Doctor: Mr. Jones, how do you think you got so sick?
Jones: I opened the window and influenza.
Reporter: Mr. Ambassador, how did you get out of the Middle East?
Ambassador: I ran.
Teacher: Why is it improper to say "I et"?
Johnny: Because I ain't et yet.
Teacher: Johnny, your grammar is atrocious.
Johnny: No she ain't, teacher, she's a real nice old lady.